It hurts, recovering from overwhelming pain~day 11

Our journey in this course has not been easy to this point.

But some of you are starting to sense hope. Maybe you’ve felt a measure of the comfort you’ve been looking for. I’ve watched all of you pressing into your pain, even though you may have wondered “is this going to be worth it?”

You’ve chosen to take a clear-eyed look at times of intense pain in your life. Some of you had to numb it or even wall yourself off from it just to cope. But then, leaving it buried and festering can be like when the doctor discovers an infection in the body – he has to clean it out if healing is to occur.

Everyone’s pain is intensely personal. And most of us have been through seasons where our response to those on the outside trying to comfort us was, “Thank you, but you can’t possibly understand my pain.”  And of course, you’re right. None of us can understand your pain. Heck, it’s hard enough just making sense of our own.

Paradoxically, sharing our pain can be a gift. It helps to know that we’re not alone, to know that others have been in hard places and survived.

I know that’s true for our family and me. As I’ve shared in past entries, this course has helped me through some very difficult pains in my life.  Seth designed this to do just that.  Facilitating it has been another great tool for me to continue my walk through some difficult pain.  

My Personal pain:

 I have shared about my youngest daughter and her walking from her faith and entering a lifestyle that is dark.  It was very hard for me to ever talk about this, but as I dove deeper into this course myself, I felt an overwhelming pull on my heart to share.

To open up and be honest.  If this process was to work for me, I knew I had to come clean.  In doing so, I had to become very vulnerable, and that is not a place I was use to being.  But God kept after me and after me and I knew He was telling me its ok to share. 

He allowed me to put away my shame, and show me that I didn’t need to carry shame or embarrassment.   God wants to comfort us, and for me, speaking out brought me freedom.  Satan likes for us to keep secrets.  He thrives on it.  When we cut him off at his knees, and we listen to the Lord’s prompting, Satan flees!  

I had a choice

I could choose to keep my bitter, sad, worried heart, or I could choose to step up, speak out and find freedom.  

I choose freedom!  I choose harmony with my daughter.  I choose to love her without conditions.  I choose to learn to show her love and acceptance, without condoning her choices.  I want her to see me look at her like Jesus would.  And Jesus would not look at her with disappointed eyes, or displeasure.  

I want her to see Christ in me, not anger, shame or embarrassment.  Walking through the pain and facing it head on and opening up, has given me a freedom that I never even knew was possible. 

God is betting on you

All of your life, you’ll have opportunities to incubate a vindictive spirit when bad and painful things happen. You’ll have repeated chances to turn and blame God.  But if you have a testimony of patience and long-suffering in the face of pain, then God wins the high stakes bet he placed on you.

The Bible talks about experiencing the “fellowship of his sufferings.” That’s not a fellowship any of us willingly choose. What does that even look like?

For me it looks like accepting and loving my daughter no matter what.  It looks like seeing her through the eyes of Jesus.  It looks like opening my arms to her and embracing her and knowing that Satan will not win.  Knowing God’s will be done.

If you find yourself wondering how you ever will emerge intact from that hard place, I hope you know down deep that God is betting on you. You are one of his greatest creations. And sometimes God uses pain to reveal that greatness. I love this passage about that:

“I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations….At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.” (2 Cor. 12:7-10)

Application

We’ve all been given the gift of overwhelming pain. What have you learned from others in this course?

Where have you been given a handicap? Does it keep you in touch with your limitations?

Has God’s strength manifested in your weakness? Where are you waiting for that still?